The local human children sing a kind of eerie little rhyme about him.ĬHlLDREN: (SlNGlNG) Boggis, Bunce and Bean One fat, one short, one lean These horrible crooks So different in looks Were nonetheless equally mean ln summation, l think you just got to not do it. He's skinny as a pencil, smart as a whip, and possibly the scariest man currently living. He lives on a liquid diet of strong alcoholic cider, which he makes from his apples. His food is homemade doughnuts with smashed-up goose livers injected into them. He's approximately the size of a pot-bellied dwarf, and his chin would be underwater in the shallow end of any swimming pool on the planet. He eats three chickens every day for breakfast, lunch, supper and dessert. He weighs the same as a young rhinoceros. Probably the most successful in the world. This is Boggis, Bunce and Bean, three of the meanest, nastiest, ugliest farmers in the history of this valley.īADGER: Walt Boggis is a chicken farmer. You're borrowing at 9.5% with no fixed rate, plus moving into the most dangerous neighborhood in the country for your species. Fox? l used to steal birds, but now l'm a newspaperman. Pines are hard to come by in your price range. WEASEL: See what his eyes look like? Hey, Kylie! Good bark, skipping stone hearth, as you can see. Obviously, it's first growth, indigenous, original dirt floor. WEASEL OVER PHONE: l'm not the listing agent on it, so it doesn't matter to me. What are you wearing? Why a cape with the pants tucked in your socks? You know, foxes live in holes for a reason. Anyway, the views are better above ground. lt makes me feel poor.Ĭomme ci, comme ça. (MUSlC STOPS) l don't want to live in a hole anymore. Your cousin Kristofferson's coming on the 6th.īe extra nice to him, he's going through a hard time right now. ln fact, Rabbit's ex-girlfriend said to me, "l should read Foxy's column." But they don't get the Gazette. My children were raised You know they suddenly rise They started so long ago Head to toe healthy, wealthy and wiseĭoes anybody actually read my column? Do your friends talk about it? Lf we're still alive tomorrow morning, l want you to find another line of work. Move out of the way, that's where it's going to land. ls it spring-loaded? l guess if you come from over there and stand at this door to the squab shack, this little gadget probably triggers. l've been taken for lost and gone And unknown for a long long time Fell in love years ago with an innocent girl From the Spanish and lndian home Home of the heroes and villainsĪnd she was right in the rain of the bullets that eventually brought her down But she's still dancing in the night Unafraid of what a dude'll do ln a town full of heroes and villains l've been stealing birds for a living since before l could trot. Should we go through the hole under the horse fence, or climb the rail over the bridle path?īut the bridle path puts us right next to the squab shack.ĭon't worry. Should we take the short cut or the scenic route?īut the scenic route is so much prettier. l told you you probably just ate some bad gristle. (THE BALLAD OF DAVY CROCKETT PLAYlNG ON POCKET RADlO)īorn on a mountain top in Tennessee Greenest state in the land of the free Raised in the woods so he knew every tree Killed him a b'ar when he was only three Davy, Davy Crockett king of the wild frontier!įought single-handed through the lnjun War Till the Creeks was whipped an' peace was in store And while he was handling.
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